Would you drink something that came out of an animal’s turd cutter? If the answer is a firm no, then I have bad news for you—because you might be missing out on the best coffee experience of your life.
Welcome to the world of Coati Coffee, the finest, most exotic, and (let’s be honest) slightly disgusting coffee on the planet.
What is Coati Coffee?
If you’ve heard of civet coffee (Kopi Luwak), then you already have an idea of what Coati Coffee is all about. The concept is simple: a cute little animal called the coati eats ripe coffee cherries, digests them (well, partially), and then… ahem… excretes the beans. These beans are then collected, cleaned (thankfully), roasted, and brewed into a cup of coffee that could cost you a small fortune.
Yes, people are literally paying top dollar for coffee that has taken a ride through an animal’s digestive system and out through the shitter. And the best part? Well acceding to experts it tastes great….
Photo: Balance Coffee, iStock, Freepik
Why Coati Coffee I (allegedly) Better Than Regular Coffee
1. The Coati’s Magic Touch
Unlike your average coffee farmer, the coati has no interest in your morning caffeine fix. These little fellas only eat the best, ripest coffee cherries they can find. Their digestive enzymes break down proteins in the beans, removing the bitterness and leaving behind a smoother, more refined taste. The result? A naturally processed coffee that’s rich, earthy, and surprisingly smooth.
2. It’s Exclusive and Expensive
You can’t just walk into your local café and order a cup of Coati Coffee (unless your local café is ridiculously fancy). This stuff is rare, produced in small batches, and comes with a hefty price tag. We’re talking $100-$600 per pound, making it one of the most expensive coffees in the world and in the same league as a fine rum (I know which one I would prefer)
So, if you’ve ever wanted to impress a date, a boss, or a coffee snob friend, casually dropping, “Oh, I only drink Coati Coffee” into the conversation will either make you look super cool, or like a dumb hipster…
3. Ethical (Well, Kind Of)
One of the biggest criticisms of civet coffee is the unethical treatment of civets, which are often kept in captivity and force-fed coffee cherries. Coati Coffee, on the other hand, is often produced in the wild, where these furry little coffee farmers roam free, choosing their own beans. That said, it’s always good to double-check the source, as some farms have been known to cut corners (and ethics) in the name of profit – who knew?
What Does Coati Coffee Taste Like?
Let’s be real—if you’re paying a small fortune for coffee, it better be good. The good news? Coati Coffee delivers. People describe it as having a deep, complex flavor with notes of chocolate, caramel, and nuts, all without the usual bitterness. It’s smooth, rich, and has a naturally sweet finish that makes it worth the slightly gross backstory.
It’s basically the Ferrari of the coffee world —if a Ferrari were shat out by an animal.
Photo: Brew Coffee Home
Where Can You Try Coati Coffee?
If you’re feeling adventurous (or just want to see what all the fuss is about), you can find Coati Coffee in select high-end coffee shops and specialty stores. Brazil, Colombia, and other parts of Latin America produce this exotic brew, so if you happen to be wandering through a rainforest, keep an eye out for a coati doing its business—it could be worth its weight in gold.
Alternatively, if you’re not ready to travel for a cup of coffee, you can order Coati Coffee online. Just be prepared to fork out a kings ransom just for some coffee and the right to brag….
Click to read about Baby Bee.
Final Thoughts: Would You Drink Poop Coffee?
At the end of the day, Coati Coffee isn’t just about taste—it’s about the story. Drinking a cup of coffee that’s been hand-picked (well, gut-picked) by a wild animal is the ultimate bragging right for any coffee lover.
So, would you drink poop coffee? If you’re still on the fence, just remember—someone, somewhere, looked at animal poop and thought, “You know what? I should brew that.” And honestly? We should all be glad it was him and not you. Oh and don’t get me started with getting high off of a frogs arsehole…
Bottoms up! (Pun thoroughly intended).